You're only as good as you think you are

Well it's been a very busy couple of days for me, what with trips to ikea in Bristol for bookcases, new car batteries and then back to work today. I've got to tell you that I'm a bit knackered.

I had planned this weekend to go to a pre-Nano meet up but I ended up waiting in all day for a plumber... who then didn't turn up, so I didn't go. I should have instead spent the day working on chapter 12 whilst waiting for him to arrive, but I didn't.

It's strange as I had been looking forward to writing this particular chapter since I started writing the novel's first chapter, but I found it difficult to sit down and write it, not so much due to time constraints, but due to the excuses I kept coming up with not to write it. Finally, I forced myself to start, and tonight prior to this post I have written 2000 words or so, and I think I know why I had such trouble just getting on with it.

Chapter 12 is a very important part of the whole book and features some hugely key scenes and the deaths of some characters and these deaths are pivotal in my novel as they set my MC on her path of destiny so to speak. When I planned the novel in my head, I imagined that it would be a great thing to write, words would come easily to me and it would show off my writing talent to it's full potential. I thought that when I read it back I would go 'Wow, that's amazing! I wrote that'.

So what was the problem?

I had put so much pressure on myself to make this an excellent chapter and planned things so well that when it came to writing it I was scared. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do such great ideas (which I think they are) justice and then this would affect the tone of the whole book and in effect demotivate me and ruin the novel. So I procrastinated and thought negative thoughts and this reinforced my negativity towards the chapter to the extent that I was dreading writing it. In the end my only solution to the problem was to 'just write', and so laptop in hand and opening line ready I just...wrote. It has been the hardest chapter I have had to write so far in terms of just doing it and it is the only one I have not completed in one go when I had the opportunity (I did one chapter the other day in 2 sittings because I had to go out).

So what happens next?

I know that it will be a few days now until my next chapter (and next post too), now that I am working and also I won't have time tomorrow due to shift patterns at work, dance class after work and just generally lack of free time, so I am targeting myself to finish the chapter by the end of the week, and then I will go from there. I may post less often this week for the same reason so apologies in advance for this.

On another note Nano starts in less than a week - yay!- and I am faced with a dilemma- do I carry on with this novel which is planned out and has approx 55k to go or alternatively I have been flooded with ideas for another novel- but this one fantasy- which randomly came to me when I went shopping. Problem with novel Idea 2 is that lots of planning is needed and I don't have time, so I'm going to think on it and decide what I'm going to do. Any suggestions would be welcome.

A tale of two... buses?

I like to think of myself as quite an intelligent person, I passed the 11+ or Grammar School test as it's also known, I achieved good grades at GCSE and A Level and I have a 2:1 from the University of Gloucestershire in History and Sociology. Despite this I had a bit of a 'funny five minutes' this morning and as a result felt thicker than two short planks put together.

I had a Doctor's appointment at her clinic this morning, but due to car trouble - sore subject - I decided to catch the bus into cheltenham this morning. As I had a flat battery on the car (it keeps happening!!!!) I thought i'd get a gadget to sort it out myself when it breaks down instead of relying on my mum and dad, and my breakdown service, who now won't come out as it's the same problem. I plotted out my route's on the bus, one bus to town for dr's, one to halfords for gadget, then recatch same bus home and walk remainder of the way.

Before setting out I called my mum regarding arrangements for family dinner tonight, and following a chat thought I'd leave off getting the gadjet, which bus-wise would mean catching the same bus back as I caught going out.

I went to Doctors (back 2 work next week boooo!), and for some completely weird reason unbeknownst to me decided to stand at this random bus stop round the corner from the bus station- as i had convinced myself the bus went that way. I stood there for 5-10mins and a bus pulled up to drop someone off, I recognised the number and got on. The bus driver gave me a weird look and said that this was a dropping off point only, but he'd let me on (I had a pass) and then he drove round the block to the bus station where everyone except me got off and then all the new passengers got on.

The bus set off but it didn't turn off where it normally did, and then i realised what I had done. I'd got on the wrong bus the one that I'd thought about catching to Halfords but changed my mind about, and i had confused myself with the route numbers. I felt like a right idiot not only had I got on the bus in the wrong place but I was on the wrong bus in the first place! The bus does go near my house but there is a longer walk when you get off to my house, and the bus goes miles out of the way and takes longer. How thick was I?

On novelling...

Well that's another story entirely haha!

The First draft of chapter 11 was completed yesterday and chapter 12 is in the indepth planning stage, as it is a key chapter which plays an important role and goes on to set the tone for the rest of the novel. As I have said previously there will also be a death *enter stage right grim reaper*. I expect to write it either tomorrow or at the weekend due to time constraints which I hope won't affect my ability to blog.